Summary of What is Malaysia!

KUALA LUMPUR: Datuk Seri Jean Todt, the former executive director of Formula 1 Ferrari, has been chosen as Tourism Malaysia’s ambassador for a year.

Tourism Minister Datuk Seri Dr Ng Yen Yen said the appointment letter would he handed over to Todt in Paris, after an “An Evening With the Honourable Minister of Tourism” here last night.

Asked why Todt was chosen as the agency’s ambassador, Dr Ng said: “Jean Todt is internationally well-known. He believes in Malaysia and has a wide network of friends.”

Dr Ng said Todt, who was also the fiance of Ipoh-born internationalactress Datuk Michelle Yeoh, applied to join the Malaysia My Second Home (MM2H) programme and received the approval letter last month.

On her visit to Europe, Dr Ng said that besides Paris, her delegation would also be in Amsterdam and London to promote the MM2H programme.— Bernama

Breaking Views

Dear Ambassador Todt

— Art HarunMAY 21 —

Hi there. It's me again. Your friendly, average and simple Malaysian with no entitlement. I hope you are keeping fine. Please do. Because Malaysia, quite obviously, needs a Frenchman like you to be her ambassador.

You know, actually, there were a couple more persons who were considered to be an Ambassador of Tourism. Datuk Shah Rukh Khan was one of them. But his propensity for not attending ceremonies, even when they were organised to ceremonised him, caused his disqualification.

I heard Hee Yit Foong, the lady ADUN from Perak, was also considered for this job. My inside source however told me that her inclination towards carrying a morphable key-chain and pepper spray was a negative aspect causing her nomination for the job adversely affected. The final nail on the proverbial coffin was apparently struck when she was asked to orally shout a slogan to promote tourism and she instantly and very distinctively said "Come to Berak". Needless to say Mr Ambassador, you got the job.

You must be happy. I am too, if I were you. But unfortunately I am not you. You know, it takes people like Jamaluddin Jarjis years and years of being involved in politics and serving the peasants of Malaysia as a minister before he would even be considered to be an ambassador. Even then, he still hasn't got the job. But you got the job just two weeks after you became a second-hand Malaysian! Aren't you proud Mr Ambassador? I betcha! That is even faster than a Brawn GP car.

(Sorry, I wanted to say faster than a Ferrari, but ...well, you know what I mean.)

One piece of reminder though. Please don't go about pinching some young asses in some bar, okay. The mere fact that you are an ambassador does notmean that you could do that with impunity. Furthermore, I am sure Ms Yeoh would not be happy if you did that.

The word is Malaysia and France are now even. No, I am not talking about football. Because in football terms we are quite obviously not even. I mean, Platini, Blanc and Barthez could even play in the team with their balls collectively tied up together against our team and I am sure we would still lose 13-1. And even then, the goal which we score would have been scored when Barthez was taking a ciggy break and Platini was checking having an impromptu prostate check. No. In football we are not even, quite obviously.

That I am talking about is this. We have a miserable singer who can't sing very well in France. He is Datuk Shake. And France has a guy who can'treally drive well over here to become an ambassador. Yes. 1-1. Even. That's what I mean.

If you must know Mr Ambassador (or is it Your Excellency? I mean our Foreign Minister addressed the US State Secretary as one the other day), Malaysia is truly Asia. We have people who behave like some Iranian Ayatollah here. In fact, if you go to some of our government school, you would think you are in Iran. And some women here behave like Imelda Marcos. In addition, there is a bit of Sultan Brunei in some of our royalty. Then sometimes we have the FRU, policemen and army lining up the streets like the Thai army and police (although in Thailand they do that because there were thousands and thousands of protesters on the street whereas in Malaysia there were only people having breakfast in a restaurant and burning some candles on the pavement!).

We also have people who behave like Ferdinand Marcos and Suharto in Malaysia. And the Tamil Tigers are also here, apparently. We also have quite strong traces of the Taliban here, even in Parliament sometimes. Try bringing in a Bible in Malay and I am sure you will be meeting these. Added to that, Malaysia also is very closely connected to the Bangladeshis, Myanmars, Indonesians, Vietnamese and what have you. Apart from that, there also appear to be many Chinese babes from China in KL, especially at night.

In our administration, our Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) and its empowering law are loosely based on the Hong Kong set-up. But, of course, implementation and enforcement wise we are different la.

There you go. Without doubt, Malaysia is indeed truly Asia.

As the Tourism Ambassador, I am sure you must also come up with schemes to promote tourism here. I think you should tell Yen Yen or whoever isresponsible to not use Visit Malaysia Year 2009 or 2010 or 2011 anymore. Tell her to use "Visit Malaysia Year Every Year" instead. That way, the ministry concerned would not have to make new posters, flyers and whatever promo stuff every year because the year keeps on changing. Save some trees and, more importantly, money. After all, the ministry, through Pempena, had lost a lot of it some time ago.

I am sure you know how to do your work very well. But, please do allow me to teach you anyway. Here are some suggestions on the do's and don'ts.I think you should, while promoting tourism to Malaysia your second home, advise potential tourists on several matters. First and foremost, tell them not to wear black upon arrival. That is a complete no no. Then, if they are thinking of bringing as a souvenir to their Malaysian friends a Bible in Malay, tell them to forget about that. In fact, tell them not to bring more than one Bible (even if it is in English) for any one group. Preferably, they should be in Latin. That is because we Malaysians are adverse to the Bible as do vampires to the crucifix or garlic. Don't ask me. I don't know why. Further, I think you should remind that old couples, especially Americans, should not sleep together in a hotel room, particularly in Langkawi. Otherwise, some religious authority officers, or people claiming to be from such authorities, might storm into their room and arrest them for khalwat or close proximity.

Upon arrival, tourists must see the grandeur of our airport. If you have the chance, take them to the LCTT too. They would notice that our airport serves not too many people and airplanes. But still we must build another LCTT for whatever reason. On the way to KL, you of course can tell tourists to make a detour to the F1 circuit to see some races. But do tell them not to waste their time. Because they can witness better, and more exciting, motorcycle races along the Kesas Highway or somewhere in Bandar Tun Razak or Cheras at 3am. But do tell them not to bring any wallet or handbag while watching, okay?

Malaysia has nice places in abundance. Places with high historical values are also around. I think the first place to go is the KLCC. They used to be the tallest buildings in the world. But now they are the tallest twin towers in the world. You must tell the tourist Mr Ambassador, that the KLCC is proof that a man's ego can manifest itself into many things. And one of it is the desire to build the tallest buildings.Indeed, Malaysia is entered as the country with the most number of records in the record book. Longest teh tarik. Biggest bunga manggar. Longest beef grill. Biggest kites. I heard we are now attempting to have the most number of speakers in a state legislative assembly and the most number of mentris besar — at the same time — in a state as well. Not to mention the quickest change of government in the whole world. Like at 11am today you have one government and at 11.30am tomorrow you have another government. Things like that. It is like quicker than a Ferrari pit stop, if you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean?

The KLCC is also home to what we Malaysian think is the most highly capitalised condom shop in the world. It is called Valuecap. Nobody knows what it does although it loses billions and was given more billions. But judging by the name, it must be something to do with condoms we suppose.

The KLCC is also the building featured in the movie "Entrapment". But the darn Hollywood people made us look so bad when they doctored the picture in that movie and made it look like the KLCC was situated at the fringe of a dirty river. Not that we do not have dirty rivers here but that is totally misleading. Malaysians and the Malaysian government do not like misleading statements especially when foreigners are the one who make them. You see Mr Ambassador, in Malaysia only the mainstream media are licensed to mislead.

On my part, however, I objected to the movie because of a scene in which that wrinkly old man was hugging, rubbing and kissing the pretty babe. Please don't be upset Mr Ambassador. I am not talking about you and Ms Yeoh. I was talking about Sean Connery and Zeta Jones in that movie.After that, the tourists could be brought to Brickfield, our very own "Little India". But they must not miss visiting the police station there. This is where lawyers were arrested simply because they had wanted to see their clients in the station. Oh yes. While visiting this place, please don't wear black or carry any candle. T-shirts with the words "Head Hunter" printed on it should be okay.

At night, perhaps you could suggest that the tourists take a trip to our own "Chinatown". This is in Petaling Street. What makes this "Chinatown" so unique, you may ask. Well, this is the only Chinatown in the world where there are more Bangladeshis and Myanmars than there are Chinese. It is a Chinatown like no other. In fact it is a non-Chinese Chinatown. Here, not only the whole Malaysia is on sale. Here, the whole world is on sale. They can buy Rolex, Panerai, Franck Mueler and whatever watches for 40 bucks. And various handbags from Italy at such low prices.

I mentioned just now about "the whole Malaysia is on sale". Well, this is one of those projects that we have where during certain times of the year; all shopping complexes will be having "sales" where huge discounts are offered. Now don't you go thinking that the whole Malaysia is for sale. That is seditious.

The next day, perhaps, they all should go to Klang. On the way though, please make sure they stop at the forested area somewhere near the Subang dam at Puncak Alam. This is where the body parts of a certain Mongolian woman (you know la... the one that I told you not to mention her name in my last letter to you) were found. She is believed to have been murdered and blown up to pieces at this area. I doubt it. Because there is no record of her ever coming to Malaysia. If she wasn't in Malaysia, how could she be murdered in Malaysia? Rumour has it that she was actually abducted by alien submarines. I tend to believe this more.

While in Shah Alam, do go to the High Court. This was where a very brave judge ordered the release of an ISA detainee despite the law purportedly allowed him to only scrutinise comas and full stops when a release application is made.In Port Klang, please visit the PKFZ. This is a port support complex built to Malaysia's highest standard. Nothing was left unattended in the building of this complex. The cost was originally RM1 billion. It later became RM2 billion. Then RM4 billion and now it is RM10 billion. Some say it is RM12 billion. It is an awesome complex. I mean, it is such a complex complex. Very complex. It is so complex that a report about it had taken months to prepare and be read by the minister. Probably the report itself has become complex now.

There is also a palace to visit in Klang. But the owner has passed away. So, let's not talk about it.Oh, I forgot. While on the way to Shah Alam, don't forget to stop at a condominium called Tivoli Villa. This is a historical place. It was in one of the condominium here that our former DPM was accused of having committed sodomy. The only thing is, the sodomy was supposed to have occurred even before the condominium was completed. I told you before, we are very unique people.

By the way, at this juncture may I remind you to tell the tourists that sodomy is a crime in Malaysia. So, all those tourists who are gay, please take note. If they are caught, they could be charged and the mattress on which they commit the act could be brought to court. Just be careful in what they do in Malaysia. We are all very upright — morally, that is — here. After all, we have "Asian values", you know. Speaking of which, we also have the "Malay Dilemma". And the "Melayu Baru". As well as the "Melayu Glocals". Now we have "1 Malaysia".

Further to the north, of course, you would want to bring the tourists to the state from which Ms Yeoh comes from, namely, Perak. Go to the state capital Ipoh. There is a tree there which is of some significant. A whole session of the state legislative assembly was convened and proceeded under that tree. Tell that to the tourists. Then go to the state secretariat building. Look at the legislative assembly hall. This is where they have two speakers. And two MBs. Two governments too. This is also a place where a key chain could morph itself into a pen drive and later a pepper spray.

This assembly is also probably the only assembly where the police could come in and forcibly removed the speaker. And it is also the only assembly where a meeting could remove the speaker even before the meeting actually started. (The sodomy occurred in a condominium before the condominium was actually completed and the speaker was removed at a meeting before the meeting started — you see the trend here?).

Weapons can also be brought in. And please do visit the mamak restaurant nearby. But please do not have breakfast there. You might get arrested. While there, do find a football player dubbed the Pangkor Pele and get your autograph signed by him. After all, Malaysia is not only truly Asia but also truly Brazil at times.

Down south, the tourists should go to Malacca and take a ride on a Ferris wheel known as the "Eye of Malacca". This is a very special Ferris wheel. It is a mobile one. It was in Kuala Lumpur and later it moved itself to Malacca. It is probably the most expensive one too. In KL, it costs the government 30 million bucks per year. Yes. Thirty million. Apparently it was handmade by the French. I don't know. That was the rumour. Don't be surprised if next year, they build a contact lens for that "eye" at a cost of 15 million or something.

Then you all can go to Johor. On the way to Johor Baru,the state capital, please do stop at Batu Pahat and go and have lunch or something at Katerina Hotel. This is the hotel where a former minister had sex with a personal friend. The sex act was secretly taped and soon DVDs of the "show" was distributed to the public. Come to think of it, while in Petaling Street, the tourists might be able to buy this DVD as souvenirs for their beloved ones. Don't forget to buy the T-shirt as well. It is printed "My dad goes to Malaysia and all I get is a sex DVD". Awesome!

Speaking of souvenirs, if the tourists choose to buy that DVD as a souvenir, they can choose to buy another tape or recording just to complete their collection. Buy both and their collection would be considered "premium". Yes. Complete their collection by also buying the Lingam tape. They will not be disappointed. From the Lingam tape, the tourists could, for example, learn that someone who looks like someone and sounds like that same someone might not be that someone after all. Very unique indeed.

Finally, you all will arrive in Johor Baru. Here, the attraction is of course the "crooked bridge". But hang on. It is not there yet. It was supposed to be there. Then it was not suppose to be there. Now it is supposed to be there again. Please do also visit a cluster of rocks called "the middle rocks" in the straits between Johor and Singapore. This cluster of rocks should be called "the middle finger" because it is obviously Singapore showing us, in Malaysia, its middle finger. But do go there only during low tide. During high tide, the rocks will be submerged. You see, this is again very unique. Malaysia is probably the only country where her international boundary depends on the tides. I am sure the tourists would be interested to know.

I wish you all the best in your job.

Yours sincerely,
A. Harun

P.S. I have always wondered. Why do the French call theFrench toast a toast although it is not toasted?

www.art-harun.blogspot.com

Malaysia's Extraordinary Judges with Extraordinary Abilities!

Lawyer Sulaiman Abdullah said: “We have extraordinary judges in Malaysia with extraordinary abilities”.

Why no Federal Court written judgment on Perak

By – N.H. Chan

MAY 19, 2009 - Do you know why the Federal Court is not giving a written judgment in the Perak debacle?

The answer can be simply put. It is because Article 72 (1) of the Federal Constitution is written in unambiguous language which even a child can understand.

As I have said before in an earlier article that the words, “The validity of any proceedings in the Legislative Assembly of any State shall not be questioned in any court”, mean what they say.
Nothing can be plainer than that. No one in his right senses would try to interpret the obvious meaning of the words in Article 72, unless he wants to say the words mean something else. But the Federal Court was not prepared to do that. And the reason is because they do not want to be known as Humpty Dumpty judges.

Remember Humpty Dumpty in Lewis Carrol’s, “Through the looking Glass?”:

“But ‘glory’ doesn’t mean ‘a nice knock-down argument’,” Alice objected.

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less.”

So the judges of the Federal Court did the unthinkable. They blatantly refused to apply the constitutional provision as it stands. They ignored it altogether.

But by so doing they have committed the cardinal sin of not administering justice according to law. It is the duty of every judge, indeed it is his only function, to administer justice according to law. And the law, in this context, is Article 72 (1) of the Federal Constitution which is the supreme law of the land.

Said Lord Denning, What Next in the Law, p 319:
“Parliament is supreme. Every law enacted by Parliament must be obeyed to the letter. No matter how unreasonable or unjust it may be, nevertheless, the judges have no option. They must apply the statute as it stands.”

Since the judges of the Federal Court, especially the infamous five, have refused to apply Article 72 (1) as it stands, they have, as a result, impaled themselves on the horns of their own dilemma.
They have, so to speak, placed themselves between the devil and the deep blue sea. Either way their position is untenable. By refusing to apply Article 72(1) of the Federal Constitution as it stands they would be guilty of a misuse of power.

As put by Lord Denning, ibid, p 380:
“May not the judges themselves sometimes abuse or misuse their power? It is their duty to administer and apply the law of the land. If they should divert it or depart from it and do so knowingly, they themselves would be guilty of a misuse of power.

And, in this country, this could be a ground for the judges to be removed from office. This is what section 2 of the Judges’ Code of Ethics 1994 says:

2. (1) This Code of Ethics shall apply throughout the period of his service.

(2) The breach of any provision of this Code of Ethics may constitute a ground for the removal of a judge from office.

And section 3 (1)(d) says:

3. (1) A judge shall not -

(d) conduct himself dishonestly or in such a manner as to bring the Judiciary into disrepute or to bring discredit thereto;

Judging by the unfair treatment of Nizar in his encounter with the Federal Court, public opinion has no doubt that the judges of the Federal Court has brought discredit to the Judiciary. The words of section 3(1)(d) are so clear and easy to understand that we do not need any court of law to explain it to us ordinary folk. We know what the words mean.

By not administering and applying the law, which in this case is the supreme law, of the land as it stands the errant judges have brought discredit to the judiciary – a ground for their removal from office.

And if the Government of the day failed to listen to the voice of the people then they have placed themselves in jeopardy of losing the next general election or any by-election or any State election in the future.

And finally, what about Ramly JCA the judge who had acted with indecent haste when he granted a stay to Zambry of the well-considered judgment of Abdul Aziz J.

Zambry was appealing against the High Court judge’s declaratory order in favour of Nizar. Like the judges of the Federal Court, he has not given any reason for his decision.

Ramly JCA granted the stay of the declaration which Nizar had obtained against Zambry. The judge was unable to explain why he granted the stay. As any lawyer will tell you it is unusual to stay a declaratory order. If such a stay is to be granted, there are legal arguments to be considered from both sides and the judge will have to say why he prefers the argument of one side as against the other.

The people’s perception of him as an unfair judge is the same as that of the errant judges of the Federal Court. Ramly JCA is in no better position than his seniors in the Federal Court.

* N H Chan is a retired judge who last sat in the Court of Appeals.

DPM post "lucrative", said Anifah Aman!

This doesn’t make sense. Why did Anifah believe it when he was told that the lucrative position was like a DPM’s post?

How can the DPM’s position be considered lucrative, when even the premiership has only a salary plus allowance that’s far below the RM5 million paid to the chief honcho of Puncak Niaga, the Selangor water concessionaire? Unless Anifah believes that the DPM’s post has other “perks”?

To make matters worse, Anifah said this in Washington - a place where no one would think of describing the vice-presidency - or for that matter, the presidency - as “a very lucrative position”. In trying to slam Anwar Ibrahim, the Foreign Minister has just turned us into a laughing stock.

Anifah should tell us in what way the DPM’s post is similar to a lucrative position. Incidentally, would he consider the Foreign Minister’s position to be “very lucrative” as well?

Speaker of the Assembly dragged out of the Assembly Hall!

The Malaysian Bar is Demanding...!

The Malaysian Bar is no longer just calling ...they are demanding..

Access to a lawyer is a fundamental right of an arrested person...

When not only that right is denied, but the lawyers also arrested...and detained in police lock-ups (and also denied the right to a lawyer)... it is just too much...

And, it was this that brought a total of 1,429 lawyers and 81 chambering students the Malaysian Bar’s Extraordinary General Meeting (EGM) this Friday afternoon (15/5/2009) to unanimously and unequivocally called for the resignation of the Minister for Home Affairs, the Inspector-General of Police and the OCPD of the Brickfields police station.

Malaysian lawyers are very angry with the impunity shown by the police...No more were they using words like "called for" - now they demanded...

They are no satisfied with just the passing of Resolution but have directed their Bar Council to do more ..

The Resolution that was passed is as follows...

Whereas on the night of 7 May 2009, five members of the Kuala Lumpur Legal Aid Centre, Fadiah Nadwa binti Fikri (Secretary), Murnie Hidayah binti Anuar, Puspawati binti Rosman, Ravinder Singh Dhalliwal (Chairperson) and Syuhaini binti Safwan (collectively known as the “LAC Lawyers”), in their capacity as Advocates & Solicitors, had requested the police at the Brickfields Police Station for access to the detained persons who were arrested that same night whilst holding a candlelight vigil at the same Police Station over the recent arrest of political scientist Wong Chin Huat.

Whereas Article 5(3) of the Federal Constitution entrenches the fundamental right of a person to consult and be defended by the legal practitioner of his/her choice. Further, sub-sections 28A(2) to (7) of the Criminal Procedure Code (“CPC”) set out in detail the rights of arrested persons including their right to communicate and consult with a legal practitioner of their choice.

Whereas the Police denied the LAC Lawyers access to the detained persons, the Police, without any reasonable grounds, proceeded to arrest the LAC Lawyers and only released them on police bail the following day at around 3 p.m., notwithstanding the repeated requests by other lawyers for their immediate release.

NOW IT IS HEREBY RESOLVED THAT THE MALAYSIAN BAR:

1. Strongly condemns and denounces the wrongful arrest, detention and interrogation of the LAC Lawyers.

2. Strongly condemns and denounces the blatant transgression of the rule of law and the constitutional right of every person to counsel and access to justice.

3. Strongly condemns the unnecessary arrest and detention of those exercising their constitutional right to assemble peaceably.

4. Strongly condemns the arbitrary, improper and frequent resort by the Police to section 28A(8) of the Criminal Procedure Code, thus denying an arrested person access to counsel and making the right provided under section 28A(3) meaningless.

5. Strongly condemns and denounces the appalling treatment of the LAC lawyers and all those held in custody, including compelling them to wear lock up uniforms and unnecessarily handcuffing them.

6. Strongly condemns and denounces the Police for deliberately refusing to disclose to their family or their lawyers any information in relation to the LAC lawyers after their arrest, including their location and their next course of action.

7. Demands the resignation of the Minister for Home Affairs, the Inspector-General of Police, OCPD ACP Wan Abdul Bari bin Wan Abdul Khalid and DSP Jude Pereira of the Brickfields police station over this shameful incident.

8. Condemns the gross abuse of police powers and demands that the Government offer an unconditional apology to the LAC Lawyers.

9. Demands that the Government commit to and uphold the Rule of Law as enshrined in the Federal Constitution.

10. Reiterates its previous calls on the Government to establish the Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC) in its original form to serve as an independent external oversight mechanism.

11. Demands that the Government uphold and defend the fundamental rights of advocates and solicitors to discharge their responsibilities to their clients in an environment free from threats and intimidation and unhindered by law enforcement agencies.

Proposed by: Ragunath Kesavan
Dated: 8 May 2009

The motion, as amended, was unanimously carried.